打开心世界

看死君：继罗南和凯特主演的那部《菊石》后，我们终于又等到一部姬片。“花园”第32期，要为大家推荐的便是这部由凡妮莎·柯比和凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿主演的《打开心世界》。在去年威尼斯国际电影节上，本片突出重围荣获断背狮奖，还有人称其为“女版《断背山》”。

栏目| 花园

作者|花无宴

说起英国女演员凡妮莎·柯比，很多国内观众都是通过《王冠》《碟中谍6》以及《速度与激情：特别行动》认识的。而她演技上真正的炸裂时刻，则是去年在威尼斯电影节上夺得影后的那部《女人的碎片》，后来还提名了奥斯卡影后。

凡妮莎·柯比凭借《女人的碎片》提名奥斯卡最佳女主角

无独有偶，在同届威尼斯电影节上，凡妮莎·柯比还有另一部电影入围，那便是挪威导演莫娜·法斯特欧德的新作《打开心世界》。这部成功摘得断背狮大奖的女同题材影片，让我们得以看到凡妮莎的另一面风情。

相比凡妮莎在《女人的碎片》中所展现的女性妊娠的高光时刻，以及逼近真实的窒息感与疼痛感；她在《打开心世界》中所塑造的19世纪古典少妇，同样以撩拨之态和直率性情而为影迷观众们所称道。

但《打开心世界》并不是一部让凡妮莎·柯比和凯瑟琳·沃德斯顿两位实力派女星袒胸露乳的蕾丝艳片，而是深挖美国尚处于开疆拓土时期的缝隙角落，以及两对农家夫妻的悲苦人生。 影片改编自吉姆·谢泼德的同名短篇小说，谢泼德本人也全程参与了编剧工作。而另一位编剧朗·汉森，则是曾由布拉德·皮特主演的西部犯罪片《神枪手之死》的原著作者。

2007《神枪手之死》

作为《打开心世界》的主演之一，卡西·阿弗莱克当年正是通过《神枪手之死》和朗·汉森结识的。当阿弗莱克向汉森询问最近有无好故事值得拍摄时，汉森便向他推荐了《打开心世界》这部小说。这也是为什么阿弗莱克既是本片的主演，同样也担任着制片人。

为求与原著小说的风格保持一致，导演莫娜·法斯特欧德全程采用日记体叙事方式，以女主角阿比盖尔的第一人称视角，讲述了她与凡妮莎饰演的另一位妇人塔莉之间的动人故事。

1856年1月1日，跟丈夫戴尔一同生活在美国东北部偏远农场的阿比盖尔，像往常一样记录着自己孤独、无聊且阴郁的一天。

对于阿比盖尔而言，她与丈夫戴尔的生活枯燥且了无生趣。戴尔是个为农场经营殚精竭虑的憨厚农夫，除了偶尔摆弄自己的那些机械器件，他将所有的闲暇时间都用来记账。

可阿比盖尔却是个心怀文艺幻想的敏感女人，除了对文学诗歌颇感兴趣之外，她还每天都用抒情而细腻的文字，映照着心里的每一层波澜。 原本，在幼女内莉诞生后，夫妻二人的关系暂时得以黏合，而内莉却突患白喉之症，仅不到五岁便猝然夭折。阿比盖尔和戴尔的婚姻危机便日益加剧。

直到某一天，塔莉在教堂前出现，引起了阿比盖尔的注意，后者的人生才开始焕发新机。

面对内敛保守的阿比盖尔，塔莉显得外向活泼得多，主动在阿比盖尔门前跟她寒暄许久。自此，两人开始了一段交心之旅。 对各自丈夫的抱怨，兴趣爱好的表露，以及彼此之间所激荡的情感，让两颗疲惫麻木的心在冬日寒风中有了难得的温暖。

在两人更进一步的深入交往中，她们开始渐生出某种异样的情愫。最开始，阿比盖尔只是用略显暧昧的词句在日记中写下自己的心理变化；而塔莉则要直率坦诚得多，她甚至主动向阿比盖尔示爱，还给了她一个浅浅的吻。

由此，两个在家中都得不到丈夫疼爱的女人，相互温存，成为日常“偷情”的一对。

然而，塔莉的丈夫芬尼却是一个敏感且手段强硬的狠角色。在他日渐察觉到塔莉对自己变得冷漠之后，不但对塔莉实施家暴，更是连夜驱车赶路，将塔莉带到了另一座孤独的农场。

影片最后，阿比盖尔终于勇敢地踏上寻找塔莉的旅程，却发现塔莉已在床上死去多时。生活还得继续，而阿比盖尔却只能在塔莉还活着的幻想中，度过今后的岁月。

很多人都将本片与李安导演的《断背山》相提并论，认为两者都讲述了一对同性恋者背着各自的另一半偷情的故事。

李安《断背山》

但在人物关系的设定上，两者其实还是存在着一定差别。《断背山》中的一对牛仔，其实早在结婚之前就已经相爱，只不过彼此都以为未来不会再见面，所以才选择结婚；而《打开心世界》则有着《廊桥遗梦》似的“偷情”设计，两位女主角在婚姻关系的掩盖下偷食禁果。

所以，在阿比盖尔和塔莉的这段恋爱中，我们很明显能看出她们之间的情感区别。 阿比盖尔更为保守胆怯，她虽然早就对塔莉存有爱慕之情，却隐忍不发。直到塔莉向她当面表白、热吻相迎后，她才以急切的回吻表达了自己更为炽热的情感。

阿比盖尔几乎不曾主动去过塔莉家中，每次两人相处时，她都警惕被别人瞧见；甚至在塔莉冒着大暴雪冻伤之时，她也不敢轻易前去看望。

说到底，阿比盖尔的确贪恋这段甜蜜之情，但是她想要的是安全范围内的偷情，而不是逾越常规的私奔。

可塔莉不同，她始终渴盼着阿比盖尔的回应和主动。她其实始终想要打破两人的现状，寻求着厮守终生的冒险的可能。

然而，这一试探性的提议，却被阿比盖尔的惶恐所打断。正如影片《菊石》所展现的那样，在十九世纪中期那样的时代背景之下，两个女人想要享受同性之爱，几无可能。

阿比盖尔和塔莉基于爱情的不同态度，其实和各自丈夫的性格也都有着莫大的关系。

阿比盖尔之所以会倾向偷情，正在于丈夫戴尔的“默许”。虽然影片中并没有道明戴尔在妻子和塔莉偷情期间，是否知晓真相；可每当塔莉到家中来访，他便知趣离开，让两人私处。仅就这一点来看，戴尔对于妻子已然非常宽容。

这主要是因为，阿比盖尔对于戴尔来说，并不只是妻子，更是安全的港湾和依靠。

我们从暴风雪这一桥段中，便能够看出端倪。影片利用暴雪狂舞的极寒天气道明两点：1.戴尔作为男人的胆怯。他在暴雪中修补羊圈之后，不敢冒险归家。2. 阿比盖尔的坚韧和果敢。她在腰间绑好麻绳，冒着危险赶到羊圈救回丈夫。

这在后来阿比盖尔照顾生病的丈夫，戴尔讲述自己儿时经历地震后的心理阴影，以及明确表示没有阿比盖尔自己活不下去等情节中，均能看出戴尔对妻子的依赖。

但塔莉的丈夫芬尼却有所不同，他是一位道貌岸然的暴戾基督徒。表面上，他用《圣经》中有关夫妻关系及妻子义务的经文约束着塔莉；而实际上，他是个寡情薄意、以残忍手段虐杀动物，并且对妻子怀有报复之心的伪君子，毫不顾忌《圣经》中向善、宽恕的基本教义。

尽管，影片最终并没有直接表露出芬尼谋杀了塔莉的真相，但从诸多细节中，我们都能看出这位家暴者的杀妻动机。

影片中有很多细节都铺垫了这个阴影。比如芬妮曾跟塔莉讲述郡中的杀妻案件，塔莉脖子上明显的勒痕，塔莉家中的沾血毛巾，以及塔莉在与芬尼的舞蹈中，逐渐垂臂，悄然死去。

其实，无论是戴尔的宽忍，还是芬尼的暴戾，最终指向的都是那个夫权至上的社会中男性话语体系带来的禁锢与恐怖。

这种肃杀的氛围，在影片的两处闲笔中最为让人印象深刻。

其中一处是上文提到的暴雪桥段，除了阿比盖尔和戴尔之间的营救行动，还有一段是塔莉打算在木屋避雪的场面。此时在幽暗的木屋一隅，传来“靠近点姑娘，这里比较暖和”的声音。当塔莉点燃火柴一看，便发现三个虎视眈眈的中年男性。

恶劣的天气，叠加男性潜在的性威胁，成为那个时代激发女性身心恐惧的标志性象征。

而另一处更为隐秘的批判性场景，是阿比盖尔归家途中，看到某户人家房屋着火，幼女在阁楼被熊熊大火困住，活活烧死。

此处，影片不但借小女孩的意外死去，再度激起阿比盖尔曾因白喉离世的女儿的心中隐痛，更预示着阿比盖尔接下来更为惨烈的痛苦：彻底失去挚爱塔莉。

这些颇具原始野蛮气息的骇人场景，在导演法斯特欧德的出色运镜下，涌现出莫名的惊悚意味与失落之感。

这不禁让人思考，在那样一个不把女性作为完整个体的残酷的时代，阿比盖尔和塔莉的同性之恋，究竟有多少是真正基于爱情，又有多少是基于无奈。

就像阿比盖尔在她如散文般的抒情语句中所说的那样，无数的女孩嫁为人妇，她们尚且不懂人生的乐趣，却得在婚姻的义务中逐渐枯萎。

当阿比盖尔将无望的眼神投向贸然闯入她生命中的塔莉，同样，当塔莉怀着希冀从阿比盖尔的细腻心灵中获得源泉、滋润生命时，她们曾感受到一种前所未有的放松和生机。

影片中，每当展现两位女主角与各自的丈夫相处时，画面上基本都是灰暗无光的室内场景。身为女人的她们，或是得在床上为男人们孕育孩子，或是得操持繁重的家务。镜头语言也常为门框式构图，以寓意二人的“被囚”状态。

而当阿比盖尔和塔莉单独相处时，则多为光源充足的空间，或是郊外草地，或是壁炉一侧，而两者之间的状态也大多为闲散聊天，自然又不失灵动。

由此，这对同性璧人的爱情，在塔莉苍白陨落之时，才显得尤为痛彻心扉。他们之间的爱恋其实早已不仅仅是情侣关系，而更像是心灵伴侣、知己挚友，无论少了哪一个，都无异于得忍受抽筋扒皮、腌渍暴晒的痛苦。

影片《打开心世界》借用欧美近代历史的夹缝所虚拟的同性相爱故事，对男性话语体系进行消解和批驳，对女性话语权进行重构和补漏的类型已然，已然成为欧美文艺片的一股潮流。

瑟琳·席安玛的《燃烧女子的肖像》、弗朗西斯·李的《菊石》，既着力于表现女同之间微妙的互动关系，同时也指涉着女性在历史大潮中的孤寂、无奈与苦痛。

2020《菊石》

男女之间的爱情，对女性来说其实是种话语权至上的剥削；只有女性之间的情感才能起到慰藉和疗愈的作用。爱情，不只是荷尔蒙激发的择偶触媒，更是性别批判的有力手段。

作为一部女性导演的电影作品，影片《打开心世界》在声效和摄影上同样不落俗套。

配乐方面，请来了丹尼尔·布隆伯格这位1990年出生的年轻艺术家，全程用管乐器演奏出柔和轻缓的音乐，让主角的情绪悄然蔓延。而暴风雪那场戏，则用无调性音乐配以嘶叫声，营造出惊悚未知的不安氛围，让人时刻为两位女主角揪心。

摄影层面，则采用16mm的胶片拍摄，使影片拥有一种古典的韵味。相比在画面上有着同样考量的《第一头牛》，法斯特欧德明显将色彩的饱和度、对比度调得更低，极富苍凉意味。

这些都让《打开心世界》成为一部非常耐看的影片，它让我们不得不为那个年代的女性禁忌之恋而感伤，更为之而动容。

栏目| 花园；作者|花无宴

公号| 看电影看到死

编辑| 骑屋顶少年；转载请注明出处

前言：旁白式的电影很容易让人错过剧情的发展脉络，写不了优美的评论，鄙人只能干点粗活，整理了一遍本片的时间线，电影节奏清晰可见，是一篇引人入胜的散文诗。（截图使用的是弯弯字幕组的版本）

1856年1月1日

电影开始的时间，地点：纽约

当年世界其他的地方处于什么状态？

英法在美俄支持下准备发动第二次YPZZ

QC正值咸丰帝在位

英国著名拉拉安妮李斯特已经走了16年

夏洛蒂勃朗特去年逝世

美国人均GDP17美元，买一本地图册需要花费2美元

此时距离爆发南北战争还有5年

距离爱迪生发明电灯还有23年

距离女性获得选举权还有64年

2月3日

周日阿盖看到塔利和她的丈夫架着马车离开，初见，像丈夫打听马车上那位红发人妇是谁？阿盖说她想要买一本地图册。

2月4日

阿盖再次表达想要买地图册，遭到拒绝。

2月X日

塔利第一次上门拜访阿盖，一聊半宿。

（原著中是1月15日）

2月14日

晚上照顾生病的戴亚时，阿盖回忆起她们下午聊天的内容。

2月X日（14日-19日之间）

似乎塔里找阿盖一起做家务已经成为日常，塔利喜欢在话题中进攻阿盖的感情生活，非要她讲出内心对婚姻的感受。

单手插袋？？？？？

2月19日

阿盖拒绝房事，因为还没有准备好再要一个孩子

2月X日

阿盖和丈夫去塔里家拜访

四人晚餐，两位男士试图主导话题，但塔盖沉浸在属于她们自己的快乐中。

2月25日

阿盖挤奶的时候一直在回想那天晚餐时塔利夫妇的表情，又发现自己因此心神不宁而烦上加烦。

下午，戴亚出去干活，塔利如约而至，给她带来了一直想要花费昂贵的地图册（拾取极其重要的道具！）得到的回报是阿盖亲自捏脚。

塔利讲述自己的婚姻生活，表达出其中的不幸福，询问对方是否要第二个孩子来打探阿盖的性生活。每一次对话都是明修栈道暗度陈仓。

暴风雪来临，如厉鬼催命，塔利和马在路上。

3月17日

塔利冻伤，数日未见阿盖，甚是想念，而阿盖被老公批评，你又对一切失去了兴趣。

4月10日，春意盎然

正在做针线活的阿盖，一抬头便从窗户里看到远处塔利和她的狗。 距离上一次见面，已经一月有余。

4月12日 阴天

好像又恢复了见面的频率，塔利说你的鼻子好可爱

4月14日 有史以来最糟糕的春天

塔利说芬尼在考虑搬去西部的事，阿盖着急的上前一步问要搬去西部？

塔利说也许吧，明天见

4月17日（数日）这一天的BGM特别好听

看夕阳

晒衣服

仿佛一对和谐美满的老夫老妻

4月22日

散步，聊童年，说好下周二见

阿盖目送塔利离开，像大海中反方向的船

4月25日

突如其来的告白，互相试探到热吻，蕴藏多日的情绪一触即发，但时间到了

塔利慌张的走出房门，差点走错方向，而阿盖张开双臂，仰躺在画面中央的姿势，是导演给我们观众继续激情的想象，也是阿盖自己的想象，荷尔蒙溢出，空气里满是湿漉漉的温度。

当她的双手用力挤奶的时候，在想什么？（再一次出现挤奶的细节）

而塔利回到家中，看着镜子里自己的身体在想什么？

4月26日 4月28日 4月29日 4月30日 5月1日 5月2日 5月14日 5月16日 5月19日

以上闪回，9天亲密的睡觉

5月30日 私奔路线

丈夫注意到了阿盖开门时脸上一闪而过的失望，只有塔利和笑容一起出现。

两人热吻，阿盖先腿软。

6月3日

闪回-亲密的睡觉

6月4日

树林里，倒挂靠在树上，奇怪的姿势，爱让人迷失。关于牢笼和自由的分歧用一个吻结束，回去亲密的睡觉（闪回）

6月5日

闪回-亲密的睡觉

6月8日 故事到这里急转直下，危险正在酝酿。

阿盖的丈夫射杀了一只黑鸟，在阿盖面前给它开膛破肚说用来警告它的同类，这很难说不是一种警告。

3天没有塔利的消息，阿盖竟然去他们家屋外用望远镜偷窥。

6月9日

瓢泼大雨，阿盖仍旧深陷道德与感情的旋涡中

6月11日

塔利和丈夫架着马车经过，阿盖追上去问几天没见，是否安好，塔利没有说话，丈夫替她回答生病了，但脸上的伤戳破了谎言的泡沫。

6月14日

四人晚餐，这一次两位男士完全掌控了餐桌上的话题，两位女士战战兢兢几乎没有交流，只有一句：还有你很多不知道的事。

6月21日

又是一次长时间的见不上面，阿盖心神不宁，坐立难安之下终于决定主动去找她，却发现人去楼空，剩下一块血手帕。

6月23日

阿盖得到消息，有人看到塔利和丈夫搬迁去了西部的方向

6月29日

阿盖向当地警长报案，无人理会

6月30日

盖，崩溃

7月6日

盖，持续崩溃

7月9日

盖，戒迷幻药

7月22日

时隔一个月，收到塔利的来信，信的开头是这样的，你好 阿盖，血色将至。

8月X日（推算的）

再收到塔利诀别一样的信件后，阿盖执意要赶去北部见塔利。

尾声

对结尾的处理，是导演一步一个伏笔埋到最后的王炸。当所有人以为塔利就这么死了，她们连活着的最后一面都没见到而抱憾终身时，突然闪回的床戏让此时下坠的氛围得到升华。

“缠绵像海里每一个无垠的浪花”

“ 像水面泡沫的短暂光亮”

“是我的一生”

8月31日 最后一篇日记

塔利死后，阿盖身体里的某一部分也随着去了，树林里塔利再一次回眸，是对观众的凌迟，也是她对爱人的恋恋不舍，此时影片把情绪推到最高处又戛然而止。

THE END

阿比盖尔很孤独。

她的孤独不是因为失去女儿——悲伤顶多只是加深了这种孤独。她的孤独源自于无人能懂，源自于与众不同。但她也不是一个激进抗争的人，她只是在一日一日看似认命的平静生活中暗淡疏离。她的心不为什么而跳动，她只是活着，尽一个妻子的责任，和周围人一样的生活，重复和上一辈一样的生活。

然而塔利出现了，这是阿比盖尔生命里的光。她无法抗拒这种吸引，她假装不在意但其实无比煎熬的等待着塔利的来访。她的脸上出现笑容了，她的心开始生机勃勃的跳动了。

而对塔利而言，阿比盖尔的吸引力也是毋庸置疑，不然她不会一次次来访，不会控制不住向对方坦露心迹。这一段真是好甜啊。多好啊，我爱的你，正好也爱着我呢～

可是爱有多深，喜悦有多强，最后的永诀就有多伤。

阿比盖尔抱着塔利发出绝望的嘶喊，过往所有的水乳交融欢愉爱意一幕幕从眼前掠过。她的爱。她的光。她人生的希望。从此天人永隔。爱过再失去，是人间至痛。我忍不住想，将来的人生，阿比盖尔要怎么活下去呢？失去所爱是心脏上开了一个填不满的黑洞，往后余生，她还如何能退回到死水一样的生活？还是说，要靠着咀嚼回忆，来应对苍白的未来？

无论哪一种，都太痛太痛了。

女人无法主宰自己的命运真是太糟糕的事。塔利这样性格，在芬尼这样的男人手里陨落几乎是一种必然。他们糟糕到透顶的婚姻要么会毁掉塔利的灵魂，要么就是她的性命。我甚至庆幸，还好她还曾拥有过和阿比盖尔的美好爱情。

我只希望时间可以愈合伤口，至少让时间能够稀释痛苦。

“The New World Is Yet To Come ” 这大概是最能表达我对本片感受的一句话吧。 《打开心世界》看完了， 思绪万千五味陈杂。 影片以盖布瑞拉第一视角和大量旁白， 讲述一位19世纪初美国偏远地区穷苦农妇的生活，和内心渴望被爱、被改变的期待。 盖布瑞拉善于文字表达，早早嫁作人妻，每天按部就班做着“妻子应该做的事情”。 塔莉和丈夫搬到盖布瑞拉附近，是位不愿承担丈夫所说“妻子应做之事”的美丽农妇。 塔莉问她为什么嫁给丈夫的时候，盖布瑞拉回答：他人虽不长情，但人很深情。 这就埋下了她丈夫可以陪着妻子坐3天3夜马车去见她妻子担心的女人之伏笔。 虽然夫妻两人每天没什么话可讲，可她丈夫还是不会离开盖布瑞拉。 塔莉的丈夫则是一位小肚鸡肠疑心重的男人， 这也预示着这是一出悲剧。 塔莉丈夫用日记无比详尽地记录自己妻子出去时长和谁见面，还会告诉塔莉“隔壁村庄有人用毒药毒死妻子”的信息我就猜到塔莉估计会BE。 当看到塔莉和丈夫不辞而别搬走， 盖布瑞拉给塔莉写信最终被塔莉小心眼丈夫发现还大声朗读那份爱的倾诉信后， 我气得骂了句脏话！ 塔莉和盖布瑞拉的感情被塔莉丈夫发现， 塔莉被丈夫毒死.... 盖布瑞拉找上门发现塔莉死的哭泣， 还有最后盖布瑞拉像失了魂的每日流泪都让我难过不已。 我也在这些台词中得到了之前不理解盖布瑞拉和塔莉彼此产生爱意的原因。 塔莉的旁白解答了一切： 和一个在一起可以让自己快乐、舒服、产生共鸣的人在一起才是爱。 我太喜欢她们对于羞涩内敛喜爱的用词描述。 虽然没有《烧女图》和《菊石》的爱那么热烈，但都非常真实把“本过着平凡普通生活，突然有个人闯入自己世界”的惊喜、爱恋、仰慕、共情描写出来。 其实，有些对话太过于晦涩难懂， 当时男权主义背景下农妇们的爱只能躲躲藏藏。 不过，我挺喜欢塔莉低沉声音和橘色金发的。 可惜，塔莉已死，盖布瑞拉会永远活在悲伤之中。 The New World Is Yet To Come.

Tuesday, January 1st, 1856.

Fair and very cold.

This morning,

ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter.

The water froze on the potatoes

as soon as they were washed.

With little pride, and less hope,

we begin the new year.

On the porch after sunup,

I could hear the low chirping of sparrows

in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow.

Dyer has maintained that with good health,

and a level head,

there is always an excellent chance

for a farmer willing to work.

He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens.

And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state,

it affects his whole system.

He told me this morning

that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see.

You're late with the milking.

She wasn't suffering.

And you?

Since our acquisition of this farm,

my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole.

This way he knows what each crop

and field pays from year to year.

And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters

that might otherwise go overlooked...

From tools lent out to bills outstanding.

That I have done.

But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages

of the most passionate circumstances

of our seasons past.

No record of our emotions or fears.

Our greatest joys.

Our most piercing sorrows.

With our child,

it was as if I'd found my bearings.

But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure.

Would you like to try?

Like this, papa?

That's it.

She often seemed separate from us,

as if she was working at just fitting in where she could.

They saw his brothers and sisters

and they were the mouse's family...

There is something so affecting

about mute and motionless grief and illness

in a child so young.

She put her arms around me and said nothing else.

But it felt like we were speaking.

I have become my grief.

I have become my grief.

"Welcome sweet day of rest",

says the hymn.

And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease.

As for me.

I no longer attend.

After the calamity of Nellie's loss,

what calm I enjoy

does not derive from the notion of a better world to come.

I want to purchase an atlas.

- It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother.

Who is that?

His name is Finney.

- His wife Tallie. - Hyah!

I met them at the feed store.

They seem to keep to themselves.

They're renting the Zebrun farm.

Monday, February 4th.

Why is ink like fire?

Because it is a good servant,

and a hard master.

Did you say something?

I want to purchase an atlas.

I suppose there are more frivolous purchases

one could make.

I've saved 90 cents of my own.

I can't imagine a better way to spend it.

Could buy your husband a gift.

What better gift could I give him

than a wife who is no longer a dullard?

My self-education

seems the only way to keep my unhappiness

from overwhelming me.

Good afternoon.

I've been using a broom on my porch.

The snow is so dry.

I'm Tallie.

Abigail.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No.

I just, I needed to get away for the day.

The farm is a slaughterhouse right now.

My husband is killing his hogs.

Would you like to come in?

Yes, I'd love that.

Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering.

I know it's the dullest of all things

to have an ignorant neighbor come by

and spoil a Sunday afternoon.

Oh, no, you're the most welcome here.

But I know the feeling.

Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon's visits

that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic.

Oh, Widow Weldon!

She got going on the county levy once...

She saw I had noticed her hair,

and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl.

She said that back then, she'd worn it longer

and plaited in a bun at the back of her head.

In the winter sun through the window,

her skin had an underflush of rose and violet

which so disconcerted me that I had to look away.

As always,

when it came to speaking

and attempting to engage another's affections,

circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety.

From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root,

all curled in upon itself.

I hope I'm not keeping you from something.

No.

I'm glad you've come.

Finney saw your husband at the cooperage.

He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets.

With some asperity?

My husband mentions everything with some asperity.

I told him that once,

and...

he observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor

to get a kind word from me.

And I told him that if he was married to himself,

he'd soon find out what a favor it was.

My mother always said that having children

would resolve that dilemma.

My mother made the same claim.

And yet...

Here we are...

Both childless.

My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today.

Oh.

How did she pass?

Diphtheria.

Last September.

I'm so sorry.

- Hello. - Oh.

Good afternoon.

I'm Dyer.

Tallie.

Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on.

Don't go on my account.

Oh, no.

That's a nice wrap you have.

Thank you.

I never receive compliments for my clothes.

I'm so glad you've come.

Meeting you has made my day.

It has?

Well...

How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day.

Thursday, February 14th.

Dyer's third night with the fever.

Drink this.

I plan on getting sick more often.

My wife smiles at me.

Promise me you're not gonna die.

That would be the opposite of my intention.

I've restored him somewhat

with an enema of molasses,

warm water and lard.

Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose.

I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie.

We compared childhood beds...

Mine in which the straw

was always breaking up and thinning out.

And hers, which was as hard, she claimed,

as the Pharaoh's heart.

I should be taking care of you.

I agree.

Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious.

And yet her spirits seem to quicken

at the prospect of further conversation with me.

I find that everything I wish to tell her

loses its eloquence in her presence.

So how did you come to meet Dyer?

He was the oldest son of a neighbor.

He helped out on my father's farm.

And was he instantly smitten by you?

He was, wasn't he?

He was instantly smitten by you.

He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense.

You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you?

I suspect I use all the same words you do.

I suspect you don't.

In speech, yes, because you're shy.

But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing.

Thank you.

Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with?

And my efficient habits.

That's all?

My handy ways.

Dyer likes mechanical things.

I have no doubt he would've been happier

had he been allowed to pursue

the natural scientific bent of his mind.

Circumstances forced him into farming.

And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you?

Well...

You would have to ask him about that.

And what would you say if I asked you?

I suppose that as a suitor, he was...

not generous, but he was just.

And that he was affectionate, if not constant.

I wasn't sure of his suitability.

But my family felt that more improving

might be in the offing.

After all, it is a long lane that has no turning.

You both have much to be thankful for.

We do.

It's still too soon.

Sorry.

Tuesday, February 19th.

My reluctance seems to have become his shame.

His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous,

have curtailed even more.

And I have so far refused to engage his persistence

on the subject of another child.

Evening.

This is my husband Finney.

And you already know Dyer.

Our paths have crossed.

And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning.

My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house,

and everything reminds her of you.

Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose

whenever she's away.

- Come in. - Thank you.

The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill.

Did you miss me?

Yes.

You look different.

No...

Finney seems agreeable.

Yes, he is, when he chooses to be.

I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast.

But when it comes to the social graces,

I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark.

What my husband means is he's so happy

to finally get together,

and to see Dyer again.

Cheers.

Part of what I value about my wife

is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings.

Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen.

Thank you.

But with my neck,

my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon.

Your tart was wonderfully savory.

Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad.

I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs

- because we had an accident. - Oh.

My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen.

I announced that he was unlucky to eggs

and no longer allowed to approach them.

"Unlucky to eggs." I like that.

I told him that his shirt had so many holes,

he can make a necklace of it.

Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand.

We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands.

Mr. Holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse

over the canal despite the cold.

Really?

Yes.

Winter's been so hard,

sometimes Mrs. Weldon's son

has had to deliver the mail on skis.

Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed.

Did you write letters to Tallie when you were courting?

I did.

And did Tallie keep them?

Only Tallie knows for sure.

Monday, February 25th.

Finney and Tallie's bond confounds me.

At times, when their eyes meet,

they seem yoked in opposition to one another,

while at other times, there seems a shared regard.

There is something going on between us

that I cannot unravel.

Hold this here.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hello, Dyer.

Well, hello.

You're off?

Yes, to town.

Have a good day.

She'll be pleased to see you.

Happy birthday!

Brought you some things.

Hand-knitted?

I hoped you'd like them.

I do.

An Atlas!

The United States of America.

Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top.

My feet are freezing.

Oh, let me warm them.

How's Finney?

He's Finney.

Ah, it tickles.

My husband records trespassers in his journals.

And this morning, when I asked him

what he intends to do about them,

his response was so unpleasant that I...

resolved to visit you...

so that there would be something in my day

other than his meanness.

Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities.

He does.

And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit

and how long I stay.

Why?

I have no idea.

As he's gotten more like this,

I've given up trying to figure out

all the peculiarities of his...

odd little world.

I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since...

I'm yet to give him a child.

What does it feel like?

Like nothing at first.

But then when she began to stir...

it's like butterflies flapping their wings.

Later, like a rabbit...

when she kicked her legs at night.

It frightens me.

The thought of having none of that.

And of giving birth.

Most of us feel that way.

But...

when the time comes, I will be there...

to guide you through it.

Dyer must want another child.

I understand.

Birthday gifts.

A box of raisins.

That needle case you've been needing.

And a tin of sardines.

You spoil me.

Oh, you got gifts from your new friend.

She left hours ago.

I just saw her leave.

The great storm began

with a faint groaning in the northeast.

It was like a noise of a locomotive.

Help!

Come closer, girl.

It's warmer over here.

I'm sorry, I'll be going.

You should wait it out.

Come on, mare.

Dyer!

Dyer!

Dyer!

How long would it be before I receive word of Tallie?

How long could I wait?

How long will the feed in the barn last?

Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day.

You should know that.

They start to skinny down after three days.

Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then.

But that's probably based on

an expert's consultation of a goose bone.

"In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy."

Yes.

My mother liked to say,

"We tumble from one mortification to another."

When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn.

Did I tell you?

Never.

- An earthquake? - Yes.

I remember something woke me before dawn.

I don't know what.

My father was calling out.

But I couldn't tear myself away from the window.

I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down.

The river was roiling, and I couldn't move.

And then...

Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell,

as all my brothers had done before me.

And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch.

Later, my mother said

that the dread never fully went away after that.

She said, "What was safe if the solid earth could do that?"

Mother.

Tallie! You're frozen!

Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake!

Open your eyes! Open your eyes!

Keep your eyes open!

Keep your eyes open!

Look at me.

I would die without you.

Then you're safe.

Because I am here.

Monday, March 17th.

Half the chickens are lost.

I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths

in an attempt to revive them.

Hobnails...

For better traction.

The Widow Weldon's son, on his rounds,

reported that Tallie had gotten home safely,

with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite.

We haven't seen your friend down the lane for a while.

Finney took her to Oneonta.

So everything is tedious and lonesome?

Thursday, April 10th.

Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast.

Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens

with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw.

It always seems that Tallie will never appear.

But I remind myself that time and the needle wear

through the longest morning.

And I have noted that when she does arrive,

my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock

by rapidly moving water.

Hello. Oh!

Oh! Careful.

Stay. Sit, sit.

Saturday, April 12th.

- I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool.

Smoky.

Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire.

Your nose is being gracious.

Monday, April 14th.

A terribly bad spring so far,

but the clover has come up through it,

and is all right.

And how's Finney?

The soul of patience.

He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west.

You're planning on moving west?

Perhaps.

I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end.

Which is what one might expect from Ohio.

- Tomorrow? - Hm.

Thursday, April 17th.

Rain in torrents nearly all night.

The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full.

This morning, only a slight shower.

Tallie came later than her usual time today.

She offered no explanation.

I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous.

Joyous it was not.

But I made my own happinesses.

My husband says, "God puts heavy stones in your path,

it's up to us to step over them."

Stones are what the fortunate receive.

My mother's mother was born in 1780

right here in Schoharie County.

I often wonder at the courage

and the resourcefulness of those women.

Imagine faring forth into a wilderness,

hoping to build the foundations of a home.

Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have.

When can you come?

Tuesday.

- Hello, Tallie! - Good day.

Was your afternoon gladsome?

Yes, it was, very.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

I felt,

looking at her expression,

as if she were in full sail on a flood tide,

while I bobbed along down backwards.

And yet,

I never say on her countenance the indifference

of fortunate towards the less fortunate.

Good day.

Good day.

Are you sick, too?

Not at all.

I was hoping to compare colds.

I'll make you tea and honey?

What?

Every morning I wake up

and I think that I never want to be far from you.

And under your influence, since you're so good with words,

I've composed a poem.

It's entitled...

"Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still."

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could cultivate my intellect

and do something for the world.

But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary.

You're talking about that moment

that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph

for having done something wonderful or received at home

with tears and shouts of joy.

Do you know what I wonder?

Is it possible...

that such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us?

I think it has.

Or that it could.

You do.

So what do you think?

What do you think about us?

I don't know how to put it into words.

Well, try.

- I have tried. - Well, try again.

What do you imagine?

I imagine that I love

how our encircling feelings leave nothing out...

for us to want or seek.

I've presumed too much.

It's been my experience that it's not always those

who show the least who actually feel the least.

Just my dog's toenails on the wood.

Why didn't you do what you attempted to do?

I worry you'll catch my cold.

You smell like a biscuit.

I have to go home.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities.

- Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so.

So it's a cold plate for supper tonight?

I'll milk the cows.

Friday, May 30th.

The sunshine streaming through the branches

makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade.

We hold our friendship between us and study it,

as if it were the incomplete map of our escape.

When the day is done,

my mind turns to her,

and I think, with a special heat,

"Why are we to be separated?"

Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else?

Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.

We need calico and buttons and shoe thread.

Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this?

Not at all.

I may be late coming to it,

but I've learned consideration of others.

I've learned the need for human sympathy

and the unfulfilled want of it.

I feel I've provided you with sympathy.

I suppose that's so.

The smile returns.

Good day.

Oh.

I believe that intimacy increases goodwill.

And if that's the case,

then every minute we spend together

will make us more cheerful workers.

Won't our farms benefit from that?

Won't our husbands?

All our burdens will be lightened.

When she left, I was like a skiff at sea

with neither hand nor helm to guide it.

They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork.

And several people are down with fever.

Holt came by to hang the bacon.

He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers.

He had to be hauled to his home in his cart.

He said the men who did it were gonna kill him,

and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was.

Lately, it seems like all you talk about

are highwaymen and house breakers.

On the contrary,

I often defer to your sensitivities.

And I haven't even told you about

all the reports in the county of men

who've poisoned and killed their wives

because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper.

"Killed their wives," he used those words?

Mm-hm. those words.

Have you had any disagreements?

Yes, about my wifely duties.

I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing.

And he accepted that?

Well, he hasn't touched me since, so...

But I made myself feel better...

by composing a poem.

Can I read you the opening stanza?

You can read me the entire poem.

No, I'll start with the opening stanza.

"I love flowering gardens.

I love creeping plants.

I love walking in the air,

but I fear swarming ants."

I don't think I can support the rhyme.

You see why I didn't read the whole thing?

I'm sorry.

I've always been contrary and maladroit.

Earlier, I... I felt that...

whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat,

and that, if I kept still, you would return

but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows

that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house.

- That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then?

When I was in school,

the teacher had me read "Cordelia"

to an older boy's "King Lear."

Near the end of the play,

the king and his daughter are imprisoned,

but he views it in a positive way.

"Come, let's away to prison," he says.

"We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage."

Imprisoned...

In a positive way?

Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play.

It may be only in plays where people

are imprisoned in a positive way.

You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit?

I just...

I only know that...

I've never liked cages.

I hope you had a good afternoon in Shangri-La or Timbuktu,

wherever it is you've been.

I had a busy afternoon, yes.

I would think.

Five hours you've been gone.

I went to the drapers.

I couldn't find anything I liked.

Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee,

but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50.

Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind,

but Mr. Arnolds reminded me

that I still owed for my last transactions so...

I was forced to close up my purse.

Tell me everything about your day.

Don't hold anything back.

You're not interested in how your wife spends her time.

I don't feel I have a wife.

I feel I have a selfish whore who...

who'd rather wander off to another man's house

than contribute any labor.

Well, Dyer was off in the fields,

and her house is on the way back home, so...

So it's just Abigail and you

tittering and gossiping away the hours?

Enjoying each other's company.

I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties.

We've talked all night and day about your expectations.

I will not stay with a woman

if it continually requires contention.

Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you?

Don't ask for more than you can handle.

Sunday, June 8th.

All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us

as its own parasol.

To ward off others of its kind.

Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant.

God help us.

When three days went by without a word from her,

I stole over to her house to look on her

from what I imagined to be

a vantage point of perfect safety.

By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer,

and hold it there until she turned away.

Her image provoked a sensation in me

like the violence that sends a floating branch

far out over a waterfall's precipice

before it plummets.

"For the wife does not have the authority over her own body,

but the husband does.

Do not deprive one another,

so that Satan may not tempt you

because of your lack of self-control."

Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..."

Monday, June 9th.

Merciful father...

Turn the channel of events.

Wednesday, June 11th.

Dyer has been silent all day,

and I was happy to be left in my solitude.

Hello!

Tallie...

We haven't seen you for days.

Have you been ill?

- Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho!

She's been under the weather.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next.

But it's our turn. We should be feasting you.

In the meantime, please be our guests.

We'd love to.

Six?

- Six it is. - Hup!

My mother once told me in a fury

when I was a little girl

that my father asked nothing of her

except that she work in the garden,

harvest the produce, preserve the fruit,

tend the poultry, milk the cows,

manage the household duties,

and help out in the fields when needed.

She said she appeared in his ledger

only when she purchased a dress.

Am I anywhere in there?

I'm recording spring expenses.

And how have things changed?

Daughters are married off so young

that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl

is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations

before she is even full-grown in height.

That's its purpose!

Come on. Come on.

Morning.

Morning, Jim.

Morning, ma'am.

I've got a new book for you.

Do you know, I'd actually like to see

that blue dress you have there.

All right, lady.

Over here!

It's two and a half.

I'll take it.

My change?

Thank you.

The Mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp

and it set the house ablaze.

- Fire! - Ho! Ho!

- Fire! - Before she was driven

from the house by the flames,

she heard calls from her sister,

who was trapped in the upper loft.

Get her out of there.

Cassie!

Get her out!

Get her out!

Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking.

I can recall the day...

No, thank you.

...when every family was fed, clothed, shot, sheltered,

and warmed from the products a good wife

gathered within her own fence line.

I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. Mannings' oldest

got fiercely burned in the house fire.

- Cassie. - And died.

Yes, she did.

Well, as my father used to say,

"The supreme disposer of all events

does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes."

What a marvelous hanging lamp.

Finney purchased it so that everyone could read

with equal ease around the room.

I wasn't brought up to read over much,

but I do believe a father should give his children

every chance to improve.

Children being a sore point in this household.

And yours, I'd expect.

You'll have to forgive my husband.

Even so,

whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep,

I seek to improve my lot with my own industry.

I...

I study my options closely,

and just attend to everything with more vehemence.

Well, then you should be commended for that.

I'll give you an example.

When I first began farming,

I was so vexed at my own inability

to stop my dogs barking

that one January, during a storm,

I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a gale

until it froze to death.

I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands,

even with my heavy work gloves.

That is reprehensible.

Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow?

Well, since you're interested in my machinery,

I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble.

The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off.

Well, our harrow has upright discs.

Work better?

Yeah, it seems to.

Bring the desserts.

I think we're stuffed.

My husband insists on his pastries

and preserved fruits and creams.

Well, good.

What is happening?

Are you in danger?

What happened to your neck?

No, I just took a fall over a fence.

I hadn't heard.

There are many things about which you haven't heard.

Back at the table,

Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes.

Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened.

He served the pastries and creams himself,

leaving only her plate empty.

Saturday, June 21st.

My heart a maelstrom.

My head a bedlam.

A whole week and no visit from Tallie.

No word.

My anxieties often force me to stop my work

and pace the house like an inmate.

I have to see her.

Ho, ho!

Tallie! Tallie!

What has happened?

They're gone.

And no goodbye?

We need to call the sheriff.

And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved?

It's the Zebrun farm. They were renting.

I'll go then.

For what reason?

There's blood!

And you never had an accident?

So we'll just do nothing?

I'll make the rounds of the neighbors.

And if we are not satisfied,

we can take your fears to the sheriff.

Thank you.

Monday, June 23rd.

Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan

on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest.

Mrs. Nottoway?

She believed she spied Tallie's figure

alongside her husband's but was unsure.

A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon.

Sunday, June 29th

I spotted the sheriff on his way to church.

I conveyed my accusations, to no response.

Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime

without evidence that a crime had been committed.

Calm myself?

I refused to calm myself,

so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum.

Monday, June 30th.

Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum...

I wake weeping,

retire weeping,

stand before my duties weeping.

Sunday, July 6th.

I am a library without books,

a sea of fear, agitation and want.

Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful.

I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock

while he weeps at what he imagines

to be his own poor, forgotten self.

Wednesday, July 9th.

Despite some hours without the laudanum,

I was so befogged and wild with grief

that Dyer left me for the afternoon,

unsettled and wary of my state.

Tuesday, July 22nd.

- Weldon? - Good day.

The renters at Zebrun's farm are gone.

Did they leave a forwarding address?

No. You've got a letter.

Hyah.

Is it from her?

It is.

- Oh. - Origin?

Onondaga County. Do you know it?

It's north of Syracuse.

Are you gonna read it?

To myself.

Abigail, Abigail, Abigail.

I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter,

and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be.

Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone.

I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye,

and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded

one sort of misery for another.

It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods

always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness.

If there were only a ruined abbey

around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect.

Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather

but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains.

Still, outside the kitchen,

there are already anemones and heart's-ease,

and even prettier flowers which my stupidity

keeps me from naming for you.

I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks

than any other female who ever lived.

During what little time I have to myself,

Finney reads aloud instructions for wives

from the Old Testament.

But when it comes to the Bible,

I have to say that there are a lot of passages

he may know word for word,

but which haven't touched his heart.

I can't account for his state of mind except to say

that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him.

And if that's the case,

I'm sorry for it.

Ho...

Good afternoon!

Afternoon.

Whoa.

Hey.

I've got something for you.

There you go.

Thank you.

Good day.

Hyah. Come on.

- Is it for me? - From Schoharie County.

- Your Abigail. - Give that to me.

Give it. Finney, give...

Finney!

"What's to become of the thousands of our sex

scattered out in the wilderness

and obliged to tax our strengths?

I feel as if, at that selfsame hour

when our prospects were brightest,

that in the dim distance a black shadow approached.

And yet still,

imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort

in which two families previously at daggers drawn

are miraculously brought together on love's account.

It is your face I bear through the night.

It is to you I devote a dreaming space

before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep.

It's as if within me everything clamors for air,

and I think if it's like this now,

what will it be like later?

I send you what love and support I can.

I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail."

Please know that force alone

couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this.

I was told I had to act in support of interest,

happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved.

As far as I can figure,

we're now still only about 85 miles apart.

But of course,

people like us don't go on long visits.

Dyer refused first to permit my departure,

and then to accompany me,

and only caught up to the cart

at the end of our property and climbed aboard.

We were the very picture of anguish,

rattling along side by side.

The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain.

A shower.

It's so hard to write about

how much I want to thank you,

but I have to start somewhere.

Abigail...

I want to tell you that being with you, even alone,

has been like being a part of the biggest

and most spacious community I could ever imagine.

I feel closer to you than I would a sister since

everything amazing that I feel,

I chose to feel.

And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish?

It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me

once you realized that you were loved.

I have no way of knowing what is to come,

but I do know that all of the trust

and care and courage we shared,

that will all shine on us

and protect us.

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.

Whoa.

Might I ask your business?

We've come to see Tallie. Where is she?

I heard you on the road.

You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker.

We've ridden for three days.

We are not leaving without seeing her.

I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without.

Keep a civil tongue, friend.

Where is she?

I treated her with tea of soot

and pine-tree root to good effect,

but sickness always tests our willingness

to bow before the greatest authority.

My guess is that it was diphtheria.

No!

There is some alienation from marital...

What time is it?

I don't care.

- I have to go. - You're gonna make a mark.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Sunday, August 31st.

Weather very hot and sunny.

I cleaned out the shed

which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish,

washed the windows,

and preserved apples for the winter.

Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter.

I have cut my hand with a paring knife.

I console myself with the conviction

that someday in the future when Dyer

is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies,

I will join him,

and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles

and kill Finney where he sits.

Dyer has been at work on the barn.

Each day, we enact our separation.

Sometimes after it gets dark,

we walk over the hills across our upper fields

for the wide, wide view.

And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were,

while I try to imagine Tallie

and that cordial and accepting home

that existed solely in our dreams.

I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together,

and Nellie running her brush through Tallie's hair.

I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own

that she chastened and refined.

I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer.

And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger,

here,

as though this was my life.

As though my life was not elsewhere.

I've always feared that I would bring misfortune

to those I loved.

Are you really saying nothing to that?

I don't know where to start.

I can't imagine what more we could do for one another...

with our constraints.

You can't?

I can't.

You can't?

Well, then...

It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations

can always be cultivated.

电影看完第一次时，着实意难平。反复琢磨、认真细品两人的互动戏份，发现她们眼神互动时，就连周遭的空气都充满了难以言表的电流，相互牵引又相互躲避，隐忍克制中透露出索求与渴望。

不禁感概，这部电影太美了。

（以下涉及剧透，介意的请止步于此。）

且从两人第一次相见说起。Tallie 在马车上，Abigail 在远处的栏杆俯瞰时，Tallie 看着 Abigail 的眼神里闪着微光，马车前去，她还扭过头来一直看着远处的 Abigail。这时，似乎一见倾心的戏码已经上演，可偏偏两人离得这么远，并不敢妄下定论。（欢迎讨论）

Tallie 第一次来找 Abigail 时便疯狂试探，眼神充满挑逗意味，从吐槽丈夫到说出无子之痛，她一步步深入了解 Abigail 的婚姻状况。

此时的 Abigail 在日记中含蓄地表达着被 Tallie 头发和皮肤吸引，她无法对这份情感下定论，最后用“与人交心亲近我总会感到无所适从”来对这份不知所措找到合理化的归因。

然而事实却是 Abigail 被 Tallie 深深吸引而不自知，短短半天她对 Tallie 说了三次很高兴你能来，难掩心中的欢愉和狂喜。

两人在临别时都说着稍有意味的情话（如果这都不算爱，是我腐眼看人姬吗？很想知道这时在旁边的 Dyer 到底是什么心情～）

两人间对视的眼神充满了珍爱、不舍和期待，我们可以强烈感受到两人之间的性张力在看似平静的湖面下涌动，而且涌动得不轻，却不露声色。

Abigail 就连照顾发烧病了三天的丈夫时都在想着跟 Tallie 的相处和对话，虽然旁白从容地流淌着，但也难以掩盖 Abigail 对 Tallie 深深的思念，此时的她也许还未弄明白这种感情究竟是什么。

对比之下，她与丈夫的对话则显得格外冷漠，丝毫没有对丈夫的怜爱，仅留作为妻子的责任。若对比后面 Abigail 为 Tallie 冻僵的脚主动取暖按摩的情景，对丈夫的此时此景显得极为讽刺，但也印证了接下来关于“是否迷恋”的对话。

第二次到家中做客，Tallie 步步为营，一步一步撬开 Abigail 的心门，窥探Abigail 与丈夫的感情生活。

Tallie 用“Dyer是否迷恋着你？迷恋你的什么？”等问题试探 Abigail 与丈夫的感情虚实，其中还不忘借机赞赏了一番 Abigail 的文笔好，在此不得不感叹 Tallie 真的撩得一手好姬。

尽管 Abigail 以适合过日子、自己做事效率高，做事能力强的优点为 Dyer 选她做妻子找理由，但对于 Dyer 是否把心交给你的质疑，Abigail 选择直接把球踢给 Dyer，她没有去思考过这个问题，也许她压根就不在乎。

然而 Tallie 却一再逼问，不得到自己满意的答案她并不打算停下，她希望 Abigail 正视与丈夫的关系和情感。Abigail 估计没有想到 Tallie 会继续追问，她愕然地看着 Tallie，继而平淡无奇地道出 —— 我不确定他合不合适，但家人觉得他挺好的结论。

此刻的 Tallie 心领神会，因为她也是过来人。此时此刻的她们都懂，她们都不是因为“迷恋”上一个人而结婚的，没有那种心驰神往的悸动，也没有小鹿乱撞的冲动，她们的婚姻实则只是名存实亡的关系，是父权社会下一份不可推卸的责任。

两人手指轻轻碰撞完成第一次心意互通的肢体试探，屏幕中能暗暗感受到二人的心潮起伏。

再次在 Tallie 家相见，二人难掩喜悦和兴奋之情，几秒沉默的对视，含情脉脉，嘴边的笑容更是弯出了前所未有的弧度。（感觉下一秒就要亲上去了，忍住！Tallie 掩嘴克制，但笑容甜出屏幕了！）

两人短暂的私会后，走出大厅前，明显可以看到 Abigail 用力克制脸上的笑容，像极了偷吃心爱的糖果后不敢让大人知道的小孩。

饭桌上 Abigail 甚至无视 Finney 的说话直接扭头去称赞 Tallie 做的水果馅饼很好吃，这时候如果细心留意会发现两个丈夫的脸色并不好看。

从 Tallie 家回来后，Abigail 开始对 Tallie 跟她丈夫的感情产生疑问，同时开始对她们两人之间似是而非的感情也感到迷茫。

生日当天，Tallie 送上 Abigail 期待已久的地图册，丈夫给不到你的东西，我给你，再次感叹 Tallie 真的太会撩妹了，定情信物实锤。

看到Tallie 脚冻僵了，Abigail 二话不说主动地提出给她取暖。这时Abigail 第一次主动试探 Tallie 跟丈夫的关系，一开始却得到无棱两可的回答。

Tallie 看着 Abigail，Abigail 不经意把紧张的心思用到了 Tallie 的脚丫上，Tallie 会意一笑，说出不想忍受 Finney 的刻薄，也说出因为自己生不出孩子所以丈夫跟她在一起时并不快乐，就孩子展开哭诉，后来又借机试探得知 Abigail 跟丈夫的性生活并不和谐，因为 Abigail 还没出失去孩子的悲伤中走出来，而Abigail也清楚 Tallie 跟丈夫相处并不愉快。

遭遇大风雪后的日子，两人多天没见，就连 Abigail 的丈夫都看出了她的失落与担心，并吐槽她。

但纵使多日来思念再深，Abigail 还是静静等待 Tallie 的到来，并没有想过主动去找她。当见到 Tallie 出现，Abigail 一扫多天的沉闷，随之笑逐颜开起来，这是终于等到爱人到来的窃喜。再次见面两人明显在肢体上的接触增多了，且自然大方。

多日频繁见面的场景，小两口的眼神间充满性吸引力，幸福与甜蜜满溢屏幕，两人的感情也在这欢乐的氤氲中默默升华。

Tallie 总是不忘赞美 Abigail，可能看到喜欢的人被撩到露出羞涩的笑，便可以高兴一整天吧~

（这个场景中 Tallie 一直处于阳光下，而 Abigail 则一直背对阳光，在拍摄手法上，导演是否也想借此表达她们的性格对比呢？）

不难发现，每一次都是 Tallie 主动去找 Abigail，跟她一起做家务，两人的性格表现截然不同。（攻受分明？）从台词中也可以看出， Tallie 有着追求自由的向往之心，而 Abigail 却甘于现状，这个在后面两人野餐时的“笼中鸟”对话更是可以明确看出对比。

另外，片中出现两人沉默不语的场景，我在想导演也许就是想表达 —— 和喜欢的人在一起，就算不说话，默默在一旁陪伴也觉得很开心吧！当然，此时的两人处于暧昧微妙的关系中，都不敢戳破那层说不清道不明的薄纱。

然而，还是 Tallie作出主动出击，多天不见后，Tallie 再次来到 Abigail 家，坐在椅子上的她心潮起伏，紧张却又假装镇定的说出告白。

突如其来的告白让 Abigail 羞涩的扭过头，Tallie 窃喜，继而投其所好再抛出一句诗，真的浪漫透顶了。

此场景的性吸引力在 Tallie 起伏的胸脯中已经缓缓铺开，张力在她靠近 Abigail 的那刻释放。她不再畏缩，而是一再逼Abigail 直面她们之间的感情。

表明心意后，两人经过几次在亲吻边缘中来回疯狂试探之后，终于修成正果。（此处两人的互动太美，必须观看正片，回味无穷。）

"You smell like a biscuit." 估计是全片中最可爱的情话了，而且在我看来性意味十足（香香的饼干，想必该有多好吃呀～）。

在 Tallie 踉跄离开后，Abigail 流下了激动的泪水，相信此时的她内心必定惊喜若狂，悸动不已才有了全片中经典的三连叹！

在等待 Tallie 到来的时间里，Abigail 满心期待打开门，丈夫早已意识到妻子的笑容不属于他。每次看到 Dyer 吐槽，都觉得又可悲又可笑，但不得不说他真是个头放绿光的绝世好丈夫。

之后见面的两人丝毫不再按耐和克制自己对彼此的渴求。（这是什么虎狼之词？还大条道理！真有你的，Tallie。）

两人一起后，Tallie 还是觉得 Abigail 对自己若即若离，在追求自由的价值观上，她们并没有达成一致。

Abigail 愿为囚中鸟，她甚至认为在笼中也能积极享受快乐，Tallie 则表示从来都不喜欢被囚禁。没有什么是一个吻解决不了的，一个不行就两个，Tallie 始终是较为勇敢的那个，她的吻强烈地索求着，她希望得到同样的回应。两人以吻结束这一价值观的碰撞。

然而，Abigail 真的是太慢热了，与其说慢热，倒不如说是迟钝。这时候两人的爱在我看来并没有同步。

在此插入关于两人的造型含义讨论。在我看来，从两人的造型上也有对人物性格刻画的体现，Abigail 一直都是绑着头发，即使半散着头发，刘海还是会鬓起小辫子，似乎暗喻她一直处于传统束缚中生活，而 Tallie 则几乎一直以散发形象出现，面对 Abigail 时整个人轻松自在。另外一点，Tallie总是穿颜色明亮的衣服，Abigail 则以暗色居多，就仅在跟 Tallie 独自外出时才穿得比较亮，性格上的对比不言而喻。

到此，剧情开始进入转折。（不想心疼的你可以止步于此了）

从Abigail 的控诉中我们可以看出女子在当时的地位有多低，仅能作为父权社会的附属品而存在，在传统家教中成长的Abigail 学会了循规蹈矩，听话似乎是她活着的出路，但这时候的她对桎梏发出质疑，心境有所转变，试图挣脱牢笼。

另一方面，Tallie 的偏执控制狂丈夫对她经常长时间外出感到怀疑，他暗暗怀疑妻子出轨（只是万万没想到是出柜），说她是自私的妓女，用《旧约》规范妻子的言行，对 Tallie 进行禁足，从中也可以看出 Finney 有暴力倾向，试图家暴Tallie 。

Abigail 随后因为Tallie 多日没有造访而心生担忧，她没有勇气踏进她家，但已经鼓足勇气踏出家门，在远处用望远镜眺望屋中的 Tallie ，这是第一次她为了 Tallie 变得勇敢，然而怯懦再一次让 Abigail 后退。

直到再一次家庭聚餐时，餐桌中，Finney面不改色地在外人面前以“无子”为由对妻子Tallie提出控诉，说着“孩子是我们家庭中唯一的痛”时，眼神冷酷无情，没有一丝丝对妻子的怜悯，只有以受害者身份对妻子无情的责怪。

Abigail 终于有所意识到 Tallie 处于非常紧张的家庭关系中，甚至被家暴（掐脖子），她勇敢提出质疑，但 Tallie 却没有透露更多（轻轻唱一句：多得是你不知道的事~）。

到底为什么Tallie要隐瞒呢？此刻不该是最好的呼救时刻吗？

此处对 Tallie 的心理猜测提出疑问 —— 为什么她不愿意告诉 Abigail 真相？是因为她不想她们俩的关系被发现？还是她足够了解 Abigail，认为她没有勇气去改变这一切，甚至带着她离开？（欢迎讨论）

Tallie 久无音讯之后，Abigail 第一次，主动去找她，却发现人去房空，留下一片布满血迹的手帕，她非常担心 Tallie 的安危，她用鸦片酊麻醉自己，终日惶恐难以入睡。

几个月过去，好不容易等来了爱人的信，初吻后 Abigail 的三连叹有多惊魂未定，Tallie 喊的这三声 Abigail 就有多无能为力，当中夹杂着多少心酸、思念和无奈啊。

很想放开一切奔向你，可是却只能给你留下这封信，写着满满的对不起。

搬到不毛之地后的 Tallie 在信中说道：这段日子我过的日子比任何其他的女人都不如，呼应丈夫脱裤子这个场景，我们不难得知，Tallie 在这段时间里无疑成了丈夫泄愤的工具。他带着她搬到荒无人烟的地方，拒绝她与外界接触，依然对她进行无情的控制，就连她的信件都毫不留情的读出来，此时的 Tallie 已经失去了在这个家庭中的尊严和地位，她无法反抗。

她在信中说到她并不会因为威胁而选择到这个不毛之地，而是为保留所爱之人的幸福和声誉才做出这样的选择，她所爱之人，应该就是 Abigail 吧，那是不是就可以解开我前面的疑惑，她正是因为不想破坏 Abigail 现有的一切而选择不反抗跟随丈夫离开？

Tallie 的心声看得我揪心……

Tallie 是被丈夫毒死的，丈夫抱着她跳舞，她的手逐步无力垂下。

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.（相信是有第三句的，但她已经说不出来了……）

原本紧绷的琴弦随着 Abigail 的一声 “NO！” 一触即断，留下痛切心扉而绝望的悲鸣在耳边回响，还有那颗摇摇欲坠、千疮百孔的破碎心灵。此刻我的心也跟着 Abigail 悬浮在空荡荡的空间里，随之碎落一地。这种失去，难以言表，我甚至连哭都哭不出来。

镜头闪回两人历历在目的美好时光，回忆有多甜，此刻就有多痛。

你的离去，

让我的世界黯然失色。

你的离去，

将带我坠落无底深谷。

你的离去，

徒留回忆和想象与我共度余生。

也许，正是这种意难平将身为观众的我们拉近一个悲伤的漩涡里，久久不能平复……